Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: 1. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this … Continue Reading →

A little old lady is sitting in the violin section, fumbling for notes in a difficult key signature. After a few minutes the conductor becomes so enraged that he hits her on the head with his music stand, and the poor old dear dies instantly. Not surprisingly, he is convicted and put on death row. … Continue Reading →

Never write a note or memo if you can phone or visit instead; everyone wants to talk whenever you're ready. Don't sit down to talk. The acoustics are better the higher you are, and remember that most people are a bit deaf so speak up louder! Try to talk with _at least_ three people between … Continue Reading →

Mother Teresa died and went to heaven. God greeted her at the Pearly Gates. "Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" asked God. "I could eat," Mother Teresa replied. So God opened a can of tuna and reached for a chunk of rye bread and they began to share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa … Continue Reading →

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when a baby doesn't appreciate the mashed carrots. HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word. PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own. PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes. STERILISE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by … Continue Reading →

FINEThis is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTESThis is half an hour. It is equivalent to the … Continue Reading →