Maternity leave would last two years...with full pay! There'd be a cure for stretch marks. Natural childbirth would become obsolete. {E.g.: You want me to push this through WHAT?!!} Morning sickness would rank as the nation's No. 1 health problem. All methods of birth control would be improved to 100% effectiveness. Children would be kept … Continue Reading →

If it isn't broke, fix it till it is. I don't get even, I get odder. I am having an out of money experience. I am in shape. Round is a shape. I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of widths. Practice safe eating, always use condiments. Anything free is worth what you pay for … Continue Reading →

((((Ringing)))) **Pick Up** "Hello?" "Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?" "No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul " After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an UnclePaul." "Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy, right now" Brief Pause "Uh, … Continue Reading →

Waiter, waiter! There's a maggot in my salad.Don't worry, he won't live long in that stuff. Waiter, waiter! There's a spider in my salad.Yes sir, the chef's using Webb lettuces today. Waiter, waiter! There's a fly in my soup!""Don't worry sir, the spider in your salad will eat it" Why did the tomato blush?Because it … Continue Reading →

There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any panties. He then calls the girl and gives her $50 and says "Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some panties as it … Continue Reading →

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. … Continue Reading →